I've been reading a lot lately; it's a dear hobby of mine. As a child in elementary school, I used to love and anticipate our class field trips to the library. When we'd get there, I would check out as many books as I was allowed per the permissible limit on my account. To this day, reading brings peace and tranquility during those "life is crazy" moments. And with life having the knack to shake you up when you least expect it, well, let's just say it's nice to have a hobby that you can turn to for shelter.
I've been reading a book by author Dan Millman over the last couple of days. I have to say it's full of life lessons some of us never come to learn soon enough. Here's an excerpt from his book Way of the Peaceful Warrior:
"I once knew a guy like you:
"I met him on a construction site in the Midwest. When the lunch whistle blew, all the workers would sit down together to eat. And every day, Sam would open his lunch pail and start to complain.
"'Son of a gun!'" he'd cry, 'not peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again. I hate peanut butter and jelly!'
"He whined about his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches day after day after day until one of the guys on the work crew finally said, 'Fer crissakes, Sam, if you hate peanut butter and jelly so much, why don't you just tell yer ol' lady to make you something different?'
"'What do you mean, my ol' lady?' Sam replied. 'I'm not married. I make my own sandwiches.'" -- [Quote Source: Millman, Dan. Way of the Peaceful Warrior; 20th Anniversary Edition. P. 28]
My initial response towards Sam was "oh my gosh, are you kidding me?!?!"
Right?
But look past the humor in the situation. Don't just nod your head in disbelief at Sam and move on. What's the point this whole situation is trying to convey? It's the fact that "we all make our own sandwiches." [Quoting: Dan Millman]
In philosophical thought, it's the concept of "free will." The notion that we all get to choose between all the decisions we have to make in our lives. When we come to terms with the fact that we all have freedom of choice in our lives, we begin to take responsibility. Only then do we start to live the way we're meant to. Only then do we release the flood of limitless potential.
If someone told you that you have a choice:
- Allow other people's perception of you manifest itself into reality, or
- Decide for yourself what your future will be,
Which do you choose? After all, you can keep making that damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich for yourself, or you can prep yourself something different. It's your choice.
I like that story! What I think of when reading it is - if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Sometimes we know we should change, but we don't. Why? Fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of success, fear of failure. Many different things.
The sandwich analogy really explains this well I think.
Posted by: Lance | July 17, 2008 at 12:44 PM
Great presentation! Well made points. This story you share, is very powerful. We forget, so easily, that we are making our own sandwiches.
Part of the challenge is not only making the supreme and wise effort. Part of the challenge is remembering that we can make the change, in the first place!
Posted by: Bamboo Forest | July 17, 2008 at 02:29 PM
That was beautiful. I do maintain that there are some aspects of our lives that we CAN'T control, but no doubt a positive attitude and believing in ourselves are far superior to limiting what we can achieve by what other tell us is doable.
Posted by: Vered | July 17, 2008 at 03:18 PM
@Lance: Hey there!
What you're saying is dead on. It's what that Personal Development Coach warns: "that same action produces the same result. If you want to effect change, you gotta try something new."
But if it's so simple, well why don't we? I think "fear" is right. But where does that fear come from? I think it partly stems from the fact that in life we're guided by people's expectations (whether it be our parent's or our counselor's)... So much so that we accept those expectations (however low or high) as our reality without realizing that we have to power to choose and say different. The fear that our choice is the wrong choice.
Posted by: Ricardo Bueno | July 17, 2008 at 03:21 PM
@Bamboo Forest: Thank you for the positive comments. The starting point is certainly becoming self-aware of the fact that we can effect our own change... From then on, well, the "sky's the limit" so-to-speak.
@Vered: Hiya there "MomGrind" (ok, I'll call you Vered from here on out...)
Thank you for the positive comment. I do contend that there are certainly aspects/moments of our lives that we have no control over. But that's not to say that we should live all of life under the assumption that we are where we are because we had no choice. We did have a choice...we do have a choice.
Nice to meet you all of you: Lance, Bamboo Forest, and Vered.
Posted by: Ricardo Bueno | July 17, 2008 at 03:31 PM
I don't complain to the world around me, like th P&J Sandwhich guy was, but I certainly have been known to sit in a state of inertia when I have known full well I need to make a change. I think it's a question of awareness. I am actually aware that I am *choosing* not to do anything, and when the time is right I will choose to make a change. It's when you aren't aware that you are actually making a choice not to change, and you blame the people, world, job, planet alignment, genetics..well you get the picture..about your state, then we have a problem.
Based on this, I try not to get frustrated when I see someone whom I consider to be 'stuck in a rut'. I remind myself that when the time is right for them, they will choose to change. As long as they aren't playing the blame game. Rightly or wrongly, I have little tolerance for the blame game.
Posted by: Urban Panther | July 17, 2008 at 03:45 PM
I choose "B"! ;-)
Seriously, that's a great metaphor. And it's true--we can make the choice to step out of our rut. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage and a superhuman effort to even be aware of that choice--but it's there!
Posted by: mousewords | July 17, 2008 at 04:45 PM
What I thought was particularly interesting about this story is that he seemed surprised every day when he opened his lunch bag and found a peanut butter sandwich inside. Well, of course, there's going to be a peanut butter sandwich, that's what you put in there. It's like when people are surprised at an outcome, when the outcome was completely foreseeable from the actions they were taking.
Posted by: Marelisa | July 17, 2008 at 05:01 PM
Great article a lot of people are like Sam, they are in a rut and don't know how to get out of it. Sometime they need that little push to let them know that they can change. The bottom line is unless we take it upon ourselves to change there will never be change.
Posted by: Eugene Williams | July 17, 2008 at 08:14 PM
Hi Ricardo - that story was really funny!
A great analogy for life, too, I reckon. I just made myself delicious avocado on sour-dough rye bread toast for lunch - does this mean I am on the right track?
Cheers - great to catch up with you - Robin
Posted by: Robin | July 17, 2008 at 09:15 PM
Hey Ricardo, love the new blog... the new look and the fabulous outlook!!!
Great story and excellent points!
Posted by: Irina Netchaev | July 17, 2008 at 09:48 PM
@Urban Panther: Thanks for the warm welcome to the lair earlier today...I got a little lost.
Now that you're here, you raise an important point that I didn't mention too much: "awareness."
As long as you've reached a state of awareness, you're on the right path. As you said, "when the time is right for them, they will choose to change." And it's ok to take that time to yourself; in fact it's important.
If on the other hand you catch yourself blaming the world for your lack of a better life, you still haven't found that state of awareness. You're going to continue to "blame the people, world, job, planet alignment, genetics.." -- Urban Panther [Lol. This part of your comment made me laugh.]
Posted by: Ricardo Bueno | July 17, 2008 at 10:53 PM
@Mousewords: Hiya! Thank you for the great positive reinforcement & promotion earlier!
I knew you'd belong to the latter group...you're so positive and accomplishing. Which reminds me again, congratulations on finishing your novel word challenge!
I'm sure it took a lot of courage and what felt like superhuman effort and, well...you did it!
@Marelisa: I know right!? Like I told Lance earlier, that Personal Development Coach warns: "that same action produces the same result. If you want to effect change, you gotta try something new."
Thanks for visiting Marelisa. Welcome to my blog!
@Eugene Williams: Unfortunately, a lot of people "are" like Sam. I guess that's part of the goal of my blog. I derive joy in empowering others... Part of my goal here is to help people develop short actionable steps towards effecting change for themselves! So to anyone reading, welcome aboard!
@Robin: If you enjoyed this post, you'll love the book by Dan Millman! It's sure to bring you a few more laughs and share some great life lessons with you. In fact, there's even a movie out; same title and all. But don't get the movie, read the book.
As for that sandwich, it's sounds a little complex...which means you're ready to tackle and take a bite out of life's hectic moments :-)
@Irina Netchaev: Well hello there!!! How are you? Thanks for stopping by... Just went live a few days ago and wasn't sure if I was ready to share with the A|R crowd but you're welcome any time!
How did you find your way here? Let me guess...Twitter?
Posted by: Ricardo Bueno | July 17, 2008 at 11:12 PM
Good stuff! I always get into battles with my fiance over things like this because he tends to do things and then get upset when the outcome is exactly what he didn't want. I'm very much into preventive causes but some people like to do the same thing and pretend like a different outcome is possible.
Like a few have said, fear is definitely a big factor in not changing when you really know you need to. As well as the fact that other expectations hold you back as well. I experienced this with my mom after high school. She expected me to go to college right after I graduated but I decided to take a year off, figure out what I wanted and then go. That leap into finding my own way was scary but necessary.
Oh and thanks Ricardo for commenting on my blog!
Posted by: Tiffany | July 18, 2008 at 06:14 AM
Hey Ricardo
It is good to have you back on the blogosphere and it is even better having you fully recharged with ribeezie, the blog looks clean and fresh, right after writing my comment I´ll definitely go ahead and subscribe to your RSS feed. I watched the movie version of this book a couple of weeks ago. It is certainly mind changing, a must-watch for everyone. Blog on!!
By the way thanks for emailng me back. I hope we can chat in the coming days.
Fabio
Posted by: Fabio Rodriguez | July 18, 2008 at 01:09 PM
@Tiffany: You are very welcome. Oh and welcome to my site too :-) You said,
"that leap into finding my own way was scary but necessary." -- Tiffany
I agree. Sometimes finding our own way "is" necessary. But it's also important to acknowledge and accept the support that those near and dear to us have to offer.
@Fabio: Thanks for the warm welcome back! What I liked about the book and the movie is that they're both a inspiring and full of humor; I especially liked the stories and humor in the book version though.
It's great to reconnect. Talk to you soon.
Posted by: Ricardo Bueno | July 18, 2008 at 08:34 PM
I love the word picture, Ricardo. That about sums it up, we do have choices and if we don't like them it is up to us to change them.
Posted by: Missy Caulk | July 20, 2008 at 04:17 AM
Good Morning Ricardo! Love your new blog and the analogy. We usually ARE our worst enemy when it comes to looking at where we are. It is usually always our fault!
Posted by: Linda Scanlan | July 20, 2008 at 04:17 AM
@Missy Caulk: Hey there! How are ya? Thanks for the compliment :-) At the end of the day, we do ultimately have to make a choice to change what we don't like.
@Linda Scanlan: Hi Linda! Thanks for the positive words on my new blog here :-) I don't mean to sound cruel in my words...just emphasizing that at the end of the day, we all have a choice.
Posted by: Ricardo Bueno | July 20, 2008 at 10:16 PM
Hi Ricardo, I love this story! I've chosen to skip the sandwich altogether and make myself something else. ;) Although from time-to-time I'll miss my little peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and I'll work that in when I want to. That's the key isn't it? Choosing to do it only when we want to. :) Stumbled!
Posted by: Irene | Light Beckons | July 21, 2008 at 02:36 AM
@Irene: Hey there! Glad you loved the story and thanks for the raving review :-)
I enjoyed your site and can tell you're also a "glass is half-full" type of person. You're right, ultimately it's our choice.
Posted by: Ricardo Bueno | July 21, 2008 at 11:14 AM